I was born with a speech and reading handicap. I can remember being in the 2nd grade and wondering what that huge word over the blackboard was. I finally learned to read by reading Batman and Superman Comic Books. The speech handicap was taken care of orthodonticly. I suppose that I was very introverted. By the time I finished elementary school I was a good student.

That fell apart about puberty. I just managed to graduate from high school. Now a days I would have never made it. I graduated partying heavily and just really never stopped. I liked fast cars which I always seemed to have; I liked fast girls which I always seemed to have and I liked booze which I always seemed to have. I seemed to have a lot of friends that by now have died or that I have alienated.

I married the first time at 20 and produced three children. My wife was drop dead gorgeous and we were into sex, drugs and rock and roll. The relationship ended very bitterly and has never even come close to being civil again.

I married the second time at 30 and produced one child. I have been married 30 years this time to a wonderful woman and the savior of my life. Our interests, except spiritual, are very similar. We have not owned a TV for 15 years.

Over the years I have been in the dance club scene, the rock and roll club scene, the psychedelic bar scene, the country and western club scene, the hotel lounge scene, the biker bar scene, the Mexican club scene and probably others. Friendships are very casual there. Not much is asked for, and not much is given. Perfect place for an introvert. I am currently into the recliner and ear phones scene listening to soft jazz.

I have been in business for myself twice, both times ending in big bankruptcies. I have held many other jobs from an art curator to an auto parts counterman. Now I take care my daughter's and my ranch. I also do odd jobs for her that pertain to her business. That is I mow lawns, fix faucets etc. as she owns a property management company. We raise olives, pit bulls and parrots on the ranch. I have learned not to try to handle business affairs myself, so my daughter/father situation seems to work well.

In 1987 I had the opportunity to return to school. I couldn't find anything else to do at the time as I was sober. It was a wonderful experience so late in life. I graduated in 1991 with a bachelors in Communications, Illustration Design Specialty, Fine Art Minor. I have never used the degree. I did well grade wise in college. I did not make a friend or join a club while there..

Even though I have been active in the communities that I lived in over the years, like Felix I really can see little useful purpose for my existence. I have enjoyed much of it in a humanly way. I find life so completely random that I find focus points difficult. Perhaps this life is to try to climb to a higher level or to evolve spiritually or something. Maybe that is wishful thinking. I find that I ask deeper questions and think about deeper ideas, concepts and values much more than the average person. I wonder if all of us share that? I find communication about these matters very difficult, even with my family. My spiritual experience is sort of an affirmation to these feelings for me, for the only thing that I really learned from it so far is that there is something else..

Sam